Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I can tuck mytits in my pants
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Randomize
