Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
