anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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