Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You are the jesus of drinking
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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