He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She tied me up with her honor cords...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
