White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
