Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Randomize
