be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Rumble strips road head = magical
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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