she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
