i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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