i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
