I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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