SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
