Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
babies were throwing up all over the place
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
