I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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