how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize