THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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