i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
