Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
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