Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
