ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
