Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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