I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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