Cold hands, warm shart.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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