y did u give ur computer a hand job?
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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