I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
