He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
My vagina just recognized that song.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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