so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
