My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
