She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
