is your mom at the bar?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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