I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
