she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
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