She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
