tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
