Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
As shirtless as possible
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
