I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
