Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
