You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
