After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
