My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
