Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
