how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
this hospital has no fireball
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
