is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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