I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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