is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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