i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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