so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i've created a new STD.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
