Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
