where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
