hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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