I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
