She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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