The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
