Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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