Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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