When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
