No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
