good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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