Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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