i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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