Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
