i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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