Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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