it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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