Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
