You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize