chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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