Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
