I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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