If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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