So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
My dad just said "fuck circus"
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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