Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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