i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
