is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
