Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
