can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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